Just a Part of Living
by Oneturtledove
Summary: And I guess that I had dreamed we would never be apart. But that dream did not come true.
1. Say Goodbye

Disclaimer: They are not mine. I wish I knew how to say that in Eskimo so I could at least bring a little variety to this thing.

A/N: Another challenge because... well, I dunno. Stick with this one folks... it might get better... or it will just be full of angst. Either way.

* * *

The knock on the door was quiet, but he heard it, even in the other room. He had been listening for it for the last half hour. He sprang up from the couch and walked over to the door, taking a deep breath before opening it.

"Hey Scully."

"Hey."

"Come in. I ordered Chinese. It should be here in a little while."

She nodded and followed him over to the couch.

"Everything is ready for tomorrow?"

"Yeah. The movers finished up about an hour ago."

"You're really going."

"Mulder, I have to."

"I know."

They looked at each other for a moment before she shook her head and settled back into the couch.

"I don't want to talk about it. Let's just pretend for a little while."

"Scully..."

"Mulder, I'm leaving. I can't stay here. Maybe someday I'll be back. But in the morning I am getting on that plane and I am going to Portland."

"I don't want you to go."

"You made a choice, Mulder. I don't want to get into it right now. Let's just have a normal night, okay?"

He had to agree. He wasn't going to fight with her on quite possibly the last night they would ever have together.

"Okay. Normal night."

"Movie?"

"Of course."

He stood up and pulled a movie off the shelf and popped it into the player.

"Scully?"

"Yeah?"

"You're not going to start having movie nights with other people, are you?"

She smiled sadly.

"No. Never."

"Just checking."

They sat quietly as the movie started, not daring to look at each other. They hadn't really discussed this yet. There was the big fight three weeks ago which included lots of screaming and threats and ended with her slamming his door. Then there was the fight a few days ago, where he had tried to beg her to stay, and had ended up with him slamming her door.

A civil discussion was apparently out of reach.

The food came within a few minutes, and they both welcomed the distraction. They opened all the containers and lined them up on the coffee table, just like they always did. She went for the chicken and vegetables first, while he ate greedily out of the lo mien. carton.

"So... how long do you think you're going to be out there before you come back?"

"It's a permanent move, Mulder."

"I know that. I just mean, how long before you come back to... visit your mom?"

"I don't know."

"You're not going to come back ever, are you?"

She was quiet, picking at her food and biting her lip.

"It's hard just sitting here with you right now."

"Scully-"

"I need to go."

She stood up from the couch and he reached out to grab her hand, but missed.

"Wait."

She turned around, tears in her eyes and the most pained expression he had ever seen.

"Don't do this, Mulder."

"You're the one that's running away."

"I have to, Mulder. I can't stay here and see you everyday and... know what happened. I relive it every time I look at you. No one has ever hurt me like that, Mulder. I never thought you would. Not in a million years. But you did. I have to go."

"Scully, please, don't go. Not like this."

"Goodbye-"

"Don't say it, Scully," he whispered, wanting nothing more than to fall to his knees and beg.

"Bye, Mulder."

A soft clicking of retreating heels, the metallic sound of his doorknob, and she was gone.

_Things are changing  
It seems strange and  
I need to figure this out  
You've got your life  
I got mine  
But you're all I cared about  
Yesterday we were laughing  
Today I'm left here asking  
Where has all the time gone now  
I'm left alone somehow  
Growing up and getting older  
I don't want to believe it's over_

_Don't say goodbye  
Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight  
Cause maybe it's not the end for you and I  
And although we knew  
This time would come for me and you  
Don't say anything tonight  
If you're gonna say goodbye_

_Do you remember  
In December  
How we swore we'd never change  
Even though you're leaving  
That our feelings  
Would always stay the same  
I wish we could be laughing  
Instead I'm standing here asking  
Do we have to end this now  
Can we make it last somehow  
We both know what we've gotta say, not today  
Cause I don't wanna leave this way_

_And if it's over  
It hurts but I'm giving you my word  
I hope that you're always  
Happy like we were  
Happy like we were_

_Yesterday we were laughing (if you're gonna say goodbye)  
Today I'm left here asking (if you're gonna say goodbye)  
And although we knew this time would come for me and you  
Don't say anything tonight  
If you're gonna say goodbye_


	2. Those Nights

A/N: I have a plan... it turns out good... don't get your undies in a bundle. And yes, I am an Oregon girl. First 14 years of my life were in Portland and Seattle. I am privy to the healing powers of rain. Holy Cow.

All songs used in this story are from Skillet's Comatose album. I wish I could write music like that. Chapter titles correspond to the title of the song.

* * *

She knew Portland would be rainy. She knew it would be gray. What she hadn't been counting on was how much better the gloom made her feel. Sometimes she caught herself staring out the window, transfixed by the darkening clouds and rain battering the glass. It was as if the rain soaked through to her soul and cleansed it thoroughly. Sometimes she even ventured up to the roof of her building, letting the rain seep through her clothes until she looked like a drowned rat. She would stand still, warmed from the comfort of the rain, but still chilled by the elements.

From her rooftop, she could see the murky Columbia River, rolling peacefully along. Sometimes there were boats, but for the most part, the river was quiet, almost forgotten. She liked to get up in the mornings and watch the sunrise from her bedroom window, then run out to her balcony to watch the sunlight hit the water. It didn't matter how dreary the day was, there was always a sunrise to add a little luminosity.

She'd been working for a small local college about 45 minutes west of town, teaching similar classes to the ones she had taught at Quantico. The commute was long, but she used the time to think and reflect. It wasn't like the drive was cutting into her social life. After arriving home, making dinner, and planning her lesson for the next day, she was usually in bed before 10. She had come to crave the aloneness more than she thought she would. There was something safe in solitude, something she had never thought of before.

She felt alone on the weekends. Weekends had been her time with Mulder. Outside of work, just two normal people enjoying each other's company. Now she spent her Saturdays shopping and exploring her new place of residence. One weekend she even rented a cabin on the beach in Cloverdale and spent the time searching for sand dollars and fishing at the lake.

Once or twice she had woken up in the night, reaching for the phone to call him, then stopping abruptly as all the pain associated with him came flooding back to her. She'd had to cry herself back to sleep.

She knew that she was running away. Her father and Missy would be disappointed in her cowardly behavior, but most of the time she didn't care. She'd been hurt, and she wanted to lick her wounds in private. The move was out of self-preservation. She knew that Mulder would try to patch things up in his irritating and sometimes endearing way, and that wasn't going to help. She couldn't get suckered back into the mess that was Mulder. No matter how much she cared about him, it was better for her -and him in the long run- if she just left.

But despite all that, she missed him. She longed for the simpler days, when he would come over with pizza and a movie, and they would sit in the dark, the only illumination being Carey Grant on TV. They would talk all night about trivial nonsense, about matters of the heart, about office gossip. Sometimes it wasn't his words she enjoyed, but the sound of his voice as it enveloped her in security. Other times he would pick her up late at night, especially after a case when they were way too wired to sleep. They would drive around town with the radio playing softly. He would tell her stories of Oxford, and she would describe all the places she had lived. He would hold her hand, and she would beg him to take her to a drive-thru for a milkshake. He always obliged, shaking his head when she decided that she wanted fries too. He would drop her off a few hours later, and she would fall asleep feeling like the most important woman in the world.

Up until a few months ago, he always made her feel like that. But things had changed. Things she had no control over and didn't fancy thinking about. Sometimes she thought that if she concentrated hard enough, she could remember when things had changed, and figure out that maybe it was all her fault and she could fix it.

Then she realized that she was the victim in this. She had done nothing wrong except placing her trust and love with Mulder. She'd been burned and burned bad.

She promised herself to never care that much for someone again. Never forget the pain, never let herself go through something so terrible.

She knew that if she really wanted to move on, she would have to stop giving him this power over her. She knew she needed to grow out of the bitterness. But sometimes, especially in the rain, she could disappear with her feelings, become numb and just simply exist.

_I remember when  
We used to laugh  
About nothing at all  
It was better than going mad  
From trying to solve all the problems we're going through  
Forget 'em all  
Cause on those nights we would stand and never fall  
Together we faced it all  
Remember when we'd_

_Stay up late and we'd talk all night  
In a dark room lit by the TV light  
Through all the hard times in my life  
Those nights kept me alive_

_We'd listen to the radio play all night  
Didn't want to go home to another fight  
Through all the hard times in my life  
Those nights kept me alive_

_I remember when  
We used to drive  
Anywhere but here  
As long as we'd forget our lives  
We were so young and confused that we didn't know  
To laugh or cry  
Those nights were ours  
They will live and never die  
Together we'd stand forever  
Remember when we'd_

_Those nights belong to us  
There's nothing wrong with us_

_I remember when  
We used to laugh  
And now I wish those nights would last_


	3. Comatose

A/N: It's always nervous making to put our characters in a less than happy situation. Even if it is kind of fun. Thanks for the reviews. I really want to make you guys cry, just as a heads up. Since I seem to be physically incapable of such an action (okay, unless Temperance Brennan is already crying) I want to live vicariously through you. That's all I have in life.

This one is gonna be short. MulderAngst is not my forte. Toodles.

* * *

Even his nightmares were better than living without her. At least in his dreams, good or bad, he got to see her, hear her, feel her. She was right next to him, smiling, or arguing or whatever the dream happened to produce. He felt wonderful in those dreams. And then he would wake up.

It was always cold and stale when he opened his eyes. He could crank the thermostat to eighty degrees before falling asleep, and still wake up shivering. It was probably just a head thing, but he attributed it to the distance that separated them. If only she was closer, he wouldn't always feel like he was in Antarctica again. At least there he had the comfort of her arms around him as he slipped in and out of consciousness.

He remembered the few times he had woken up with her. They would fall asleep watching a movie or doing expense reports, and he would wake up hours later with a pleasant and familiar weight on his chest. Sometimes he would be completely still, just watching her sleep. Other times she woke up with him, smiling sleepily and reaching up to play with his morning hair. He would give anything to wake up with her again.

He needed her. Trudging through a day at work was bad enough, but doing it without her sarcastic remarks and incredible amounts of eye rolling was just too much. People had stared to gossip about them too.

_"Mrs. Spooky FINALLY cracked."  
"They say she's in a psych ward in New York."_

_"He could have killed her in a jealous rage and no one would ever know."_

_"He probably came on to her and scared her away."_

He was tired of it. Too tired to say anything to any of them. Too tired to tell them that they were right. He had driven her away. If only he could take back what he had done, the things he had said, and the things he had left out. If only he could convince her that it was a stupid mistake. But his actions betrayed what he tried to prove. She would never trust him again, and frankly he didn't blame her. He barely trusted himself.

He never stayed late to work anymore. He left the office promptly at five, then went home to sit on the couch and stare at the ceiling. He would blink back tears as he thought about her, resisting the urge to use the phone number he'd pilfered from her mother when she wasn't looking. Even if he just got her answering machine, it would be enough to hear her voice. It could get him through the day just to know that she was still around and for a brief moment as he listened, he could pretend she was actually there.

The fear of pushing her further prevented him from calling. He knew Dana Scully better than anyone, and he knew that pressing her would have an adverse reaction. He would just have to wait until she was ready to talk. He realized that she may never be ready, but he also knew that if that's what it took to make her happy, he would accept it.

He still loved her, he always had. Nothing would change that in a million years. She was everything to him.

_I hate feeling like this  
I'm so tired of trying to fight this  
I'm asleep and all I dream of  
Is waking to you  
Tell me that you will listen  
Your touch is what I'm missing  
And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing you_

_Comatose  
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you_

_I don't wanna live  
I don't wanna breathe  
'les I feel you next to me  
you take the pain I feel  
waking up to you never felt so real  
I don't wanna sleep  
I don't wanna dream  
'cause my dreams don't comfort me  
The way you make me feel  
Waking up to you never felt so real_

_I hate living without you  
Dead wrong to ever doubt you  
But my demons lay in waiting  
Tempting me away  
Oh how I adore you  
Oh how I thirst for you  
Oh how I need you_

_Breathing life_

_Waking up My eyes  
Open up_

_Don't leave me alone_


	4. The Older I Get

A/N: I am getting some really good reviews on this story... and I'm not saying that to be boastful or anything, I just really appreciate how people are receiving this story. I was a little worried about it to be honest, but I have to remember that this place is not a baby naming forum and no one here is a mean Alvin Kersh-esque jerk. Thanks for that.

Seriously, I encourage everyone to listen to Skillet. If not now, then sometime at least. It's just like... so much room for writing in it. I hate the word 'inspiration' (I love the song, thank you Chicago), but this album really is kind of inspirational.

Dedicated to my niece Emmalia who is really stressing her mommy out with her stubbornness about coming into the world. That's my little diva baby. Maybe a dedication will move things along...

Yes there is a small town outside Portland which is home to 20,000 ish people and they do have a place called Scotties. I used to live there... back when life was simple... and now, after the longest a/n in history...

* * *

She knew something was missing from the moment she woke up. The unbalanced feeling was common, but this morning she felt like she'd woken up without her limbs. She had survived 3 months without him, but suddenly it was like she was back to that first day and was utterly lost.

Maybe it was just the day. Her birthday. Not that Mulder ever made her birthday a big deal, or that he even remembered, but this year she thought things would have be different. She thought they would spend some time together maybe even go out to dinner. She was sadly mistaken.

Her family was coming into town for a long weekend, and she felt that seeing them would help her to get over things a little more. Her mom would pry, and Bill would gloat, but at least Charlie would take her side and make her feel better.

She rolled out of bed, forgoing her daily watching of the sunrise, and headed straight for the shower. She had a lot to get done today before they all showed up, and she still had to teach two classes at the college.

The shower was fast and she spent little time doing her hair and make-up. She had no need to conceal the bags under her eyes anymore as they had disappeared. She made a bagel and cream cheese for breakfast (regular, not lite) and headed out the door to brave the traffic.

* * *

She tried to keep thoughts of Mulder out of her everyday life, but sometimes things happened that she couldn't control. One of her co-workers took her out to lunch for her birthday to what she claimed was "the best drive-up in the world." To be honest, Scully was kind of disgusted when she looked at the place. It hadn't been painted since 1963 or thereabouts and the overhang seemed on it's last leg of life.

It's exactly the place Mulder would have taken her to.

"Kelly, are you sure we're not going to get food poisoning from this place?"

"Never. Scotties is a landmark."

"Not a landfill?"

"Trust me, Dana. This place has the best burgers you'll ever eat. And an order of regular fries will last you two meals."

"Happy birthday to me."

"I know it's not fancy, but I just want to introduce you to small town life."

"Small town? Population fifteen thousand?"

"But it seems like less, doesn't it?"

Scully just smiled and followed her friend into the small building. There was music playing on the radio, people filling orders at the window, and one high school drop out taking orders at the counter. She thought she had escaped from this life.

"Hey Greg. Can we get two Scottie's burgers and two drinks?"

"Extra fries?"

"Nah, just what comes with it. But there's a buck for you if you get me a pickle."

"Kelly I can't let you pay a buck for a pickle."

"Then I guess you will just have to give it to me for free."

"No problem. Your order will be out in a minute. What do you want to drink?"

"I want Coke. Dana?"

"Iced Tea is fine."

They both looked at her for a moment before Greg smirked and began to fill their order.

"So this is like... a tradition to eat here or something?"

"Everyone that has grown up in this town or lived here for more than a year eats at Scotties at least once."

"So you're making sure I fit inside the bell curve."

"Something like that."

Greg brought them their food and Scully just gaped at the size of the burger. It was probably more than Charlie could eat in one sitting.

"Where did they find a hamburger patty this big?"

"This is Oregon. It's magical."

Scully wanted to exclaim _If you only knew!_ But she kept her mouth shut.

"Why'd you move here Dana? All the way from DC. It seems like a random place to choose."

"My dad was stationed in Seattle for a while when I was a kid. I loved it there, but I didn't want to do the big city again. Portland was the next best thing."

"First of all, don't ever let anyone overhear you saying that Oregon is the next best thing to anything, especially Seattle, and second of all, why'd you move anyway?"

"I just needed a change."

Kelly regarded her for a moment then shrugged and bit into a fry.

"You just picked up and left on a whim?"

"Things were getting complicated and I needed to be able to breathe."

"Bad relationship?"

"No, not really. Work stuff got to be too much and I felt the need to start over. I think I was channeling my sister."

Kelly snickered.

"You're not planning on going back I take it."

"Not even to visit."

"So it was a bad relationship."

"I worked with this guy for a long time. He was my best friend. But things happened in our partnership that made it impossible to continue together. I gave him an ultimatum."

"Smooth move."

"The manipulation didn't work, so I left."

"Men."

"Tell me about it."

* * *

"I think it's time for presents!" Maggie declared, standing up from the couch.

"Mom, you guys flew all the way out here. You didn't have to get me anything."

"Of course we did. You have a mean right hook," Bill commented with a smile. She just rolled her eyes as Maggie plopped a box in her lap.

"We're going to have to go out and get the rest of your present tomorrow, but this is most of it."

She eyed the box skeptically, then opened it slowly.

It was full of dog toys. Squeaky toys, fluffy toys, bones, ropes... there was a food dish, a water dish, a collar and a leash.

"It's for Mulder 'cause he's a dog," Bill supplied, causing Maggie to smack his head.

"We got a puppy for you, Dana. We're picking him up tomorrow. He's part beagle, part husky. He's about a month old and he's house trained, so you won't have to worry about that."

She was almost crying now, but she wasn't quite sure why.

"Thank you," she managed to get out.

"Is it okay, Dana? We weren't sure if you would actually want a dog..."

"I do. It's perfect. When do we pick him up?"

"Ten."

She smiled.

"You guys didn't happen to pick up dog food did you?"

"They said they would give us a bag of the stuff he likes."

She nodded and smiled.

"I think this might be just what I need."

"Great," Charlie said. "Now can we have pie?"

"You boys go get it. And serve us women."

"Don't we always serve women?" Charlie muttered. Bill chuckled and they moved into the kitchen.

"Fox sent this with me to give to you," Maggie said softly, handing her an envelope. "I think it's a card, but believe me, I have no idea what he wrote."

Scully took a deep breath and opened it, pulling out a simple greeting card. It had a vintage picture of a little boy and girl on the front. At one time it would have made her smile, but now it almost made her mad. She opened the card and found his scrawl underneath the standard Hallmark script.

_Happy Birthday Scully. I love you. Mulder_

That was it.

"What did it say?"

Scully shook her head.

"Too little too late."

"Dana..."

"I can't talk about it, mom. It still hurts too much."

"Does he know that?"

"I moved away. I think he got the hint."

"He misses you."

"That's his problem, mom. I am done with Mulder. For good. I can't waste time on him anymore."

"You're making a mistake."

"I'm not."

"You're hurting. You miss him too."

"I'll get over it. I always do."

_The walls between you and I  
Always pushing us apart  
Nothing left but scars fight after fight  
The space between our calm and rage  
Started growing shorter,  
Disappearing slowly day after day_

_I was sitting there waiting in my room for you  
You were waiting for me too  
And it makes me wonder_

_The older I get  
Will I get over it?  
It's been way too long for the times we missed  
I didn't know then it would hurt like this but I think  
The older I get  
Maybe I'll get over it  
It's been way too long for the times we missed  
I can't believe it still hurts like this_

_The time between those cutting words  
Built up our defenses  
Never made no sense it just made me hurt  
Do you believe that time heals all wounds?  
It started getting better  
But it's easy not to fight when I'm not with you_

_What was I waiting for  
I should've taken less and given you more  
I should've weathered the storm  
I need to say so bad  
What were you waiting for  
This could have been the best we've ever had_

_I'm just getting older  
I'm not getting over you I'm trying to  
I wish it didn't hurt like this  
It's been way too long for the times we missed  
I can't believe it still hurts like this_


	5. Falling Inside The Black

A/N: So I would have updated earlier, but I had a little adventure today... this is how it goes. One: Decide to wash knives that mom didn't wash last night. Two: slice pointer finger open. Three: Scream loudly at my brother "I cut myself bad! GET DAD!" Four: keep finger in sink with water running over it while slowly sinking to the floor. Five: Tell dad "I'm about to pass out." Six: Pass out. Seven: Wake up on the kitchen floor, concerned with how dirty the floor is and how it's getting in your hair. Eight: go into shock. Nine: begin laughing hysterically, freak brother out. Ten: try to get up to go to urgent care. Eleven: almost pass out. Twelve: make it to urgent care. Thirteen: almost pass out. Fourteen: get stitches. Fifteen: want to flirt with the intern but realize that is not every smooth. Sixteen: get a milkshake and fries from DQ... because I was such a good girl.

* * *

It was their anniversary. They had met exactly 7 years ago today. March 6,1992, the day his whole world came crashing down around his ears with the simple words "I'm Dana Scully, I've been assigned to work with you."

And even if he had known going into it that it would end this way, he wouldn't have changed a thing. Of course, maybe the ending itself, but he wasn't going to think about that now.

He spent the morning at their favorite coffee shop, reading a magazine and drinking chai tea. That had been her drink of choice when she left. He also had an apple fritter before leaving the coffee shop and heading over to the reflecting pool.

He sat down on their bench and tried to relax and observe people for a while. It wasn't as fun as when Scully was beside him, making snide comments about people that walked by.

_"Mulder, did you see that purse? I bet she had a sawed off shotgun in there."_

_"He's going to spill on his shirt in three... two... one."_

_"Dude, it's Skinner's twin! Oh crap it is Skinner!"_

_"Have you ever wondered what this country would be like without people that dressed like THAT?"_

_"I do not judge, Mulder. I merely say whatever I think."_

His mouth twitched up in a smile just thinking about it. For a moment he wondered if there was a good place to people watch in Portland. Even if there wasn't she would manage to do it anyway. It was sometimes like a basic function for her.

After a while, he stood up from the bench and headed over to the diner for a late lunch. He was almost tempted to order her usual as he slid into their booth, but he decided against it. She wasn't dead after all. Just gone for now.

"Hey Mulder. What'll it be?"

"Monte Cristo Sandwich and an iced tea. And a paper if you got it. I never finished reading it this morning."

"It'll be right out."

"Thanks, Lane."

He sat back on the bench and stared out the window. Scully was probably at work right now, doing whatever it was she did these days. He felt ashamed that he didn't even know where she was working. Or where she was living. Or if she even thought about him.

Maybe she ran away so she could forget. She didn't want him to be a part of her life ever again, and maybe that was in her memories too. He hoped the pain would dull, but maybe all the good stuff would too. That thought shook him to the core.

He wondered if she was sentimental enough to drive to Bellfleur tomorrow. Maybe she would drive over that X in the road. Maybe she would lose time. Maybe she would come running back to him, excited and bewildered at the same time. Maybe she would want to work with him again, only this time it would be easier and she would corroborate all his theories.

Never.

She was Dana Scully and he wouldn't change her, no matter what.

* * *

The sun was just setting as he climbed up the hill to the last place he wanted to visit today. He had been thinking about this night for months, hoping against hope that it could still happen.

He sat down on the ground and patiently waited for the stars to come out. He had brought Scully here once, right after they got back from Antarctica. They had lain on the ground for hours, talking about nothing and just enjoying each other's company. Now he reached out a little, closing his eyes and hoping that he could concentrate hard enough to feel her slender hand in his. It had been warm that night, but she was still chilled by the wind, so he offered her his jacket. The jacket that still smelled like her.

He could almost remember their conversation from that night, could hear her laughter floating away on the wind. He could see the sparkle in her eyes as she turned to him and confessed _"You know what Mulder? I really, really, really hate bees."_

That night had ended quietly. He took her home and she fell asleep on the way, so he carried her upstairs and tucked her into bed. As he leaned down to kiss her forehead, her eyes flew open and she smiled.

_"Thank you for tonight, Mulder."_

_"You're welcome. Wanna do it again?"_

_"Anytime."_

_"Go back to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."_

_"I love you, Mulder," she said, reaching up to touch his face._

_"I love you too, Scully. Goodnight."_

_He kissed her forehead for a long moment before quietly slipping from the room._

Now he felt tears in his eyes. She left. She was gone. She didn't really love him. He was just a partner. Not a friend.

He shook his head. That wasn't true. She meant everything she said.

As he wept, he briefly wondered if their connection was so strong that she could hear him. Did she feel in her chest the same pain he did? Was she crying right now? Did she even remember this day?

The tears came harder and he could almost feel himself fading from her. He couldn't feel her soul mingled with his anymore.

"Scully," he whispered. "Please come back."

He trusted the wind to carry his words to her.

_Tonight I'm so alone  
This sorrow takes ahold  
Don't leave me here so cold  
(Never want to be so cold)_

_Your touch used to be so kind  
Your touch used to give me life  
I've waited all this time, I've wasted so much time_

_Don't leave me alone  
Cause I barely see at all  
Don't leave me alone, I'm_

_Falling in the black  
Slipping through the cracks  
Falling to the depths can I ever go back  
Dreaming of the way it used to be  
Can you hear me  
Falling in the black  
Slipping through the cracks  
Falling to the depths can I ever go back  
Falling inside the black  
Falling inside falling inside the black_

_You were my source of strength  
I've traded everything  
That I love for this one thing  
(Stranded in the offering)_

_Don't leave me here like this  
Can't hear me scream from the abyss  
And now i wish for you my desire_

_Don't leave me alone  
Cause I barely see at all  
Don't leave me alone, I'm_

_Falling in the black  
Slipping through the cracks  
Falling to the depths can I ever go back  
Dreaming of the way it used to be  
Can you hear me  
Falling in the black  
Slipping through the cracks  
Falling to the depths can I ever go back  
Falling inside the black  
Falling inside falling inside the black  
Black, black, black_

_Falling in the black...  
Slipping through the cracks..._


	6. Yours to Hold

A/N: A flashback chapter because it was the only way I could think to use this song... cheap, I know. This actually ended up being the hardest chapter I've had to write so far. Not sure why, but it went through 3 or 4 rewrites, which if you know me, you know that is a lot. Because I barely proof-read half the time.

And on the baby front... niece still is not here. I'm force feeding her mother prunes and castor oil soon, I swear. The doctors wanted her to go last week due to some health stuff, but apparently good contractions every night does not an active labor make. 38 weeks my fat fanny.

* * *

**Fall, 1997**

Dana Scully didn't normally panic. Even in the most stressful conditions, when bullets were flying and a Kevlar vest had been forgotten, she could always be counted on to have a level head.

But with the cancer, things had changed. Every cough was cause for concern. Every morning that she felt fatigued, she checked her temperature and her heart rate just in case.

So when she woke up with a nosebleed, she didn't chalk it up to dry weather. She didn't figure that a capillary had burst.

She called Mulder.

"It's me. I need you."

"Scully? Are you okay?"

"I just need you, Mulder. Come over. Please."

"I'll be there in 15. Hang tight."

She turned the phone off and drew her knees up to her chest, rocking back and forth, trying not to cry. Was it just last week that Mulder had wanted to throw her a remission party? Had she heard the doctor wrong when he sent her home? Was she going to be terrified about this for the rest of her life? When would it return to normal?

She shivered a little and pulled Mulder's sweatshirt from behind her pillow. She slipped it on and rubbed her arms, trying to warm up. What she really wanted was to cry in frustration and fear, stick her thumb in her mouth and beg for her daddy. But she was a big girl now, and admitting she needed Mulder was as juvenile as she was allowed to get.

"Scully," Mulder said as he stepped through the door. She stood up from the bed and walked out into the living room where he immediately took her in his arms. He didn't need a hint or a request. The fact that she called in the middle of the night was enough.

"I have you," he said softly as tears flooded her eyes. She buried her face in his chest, taking a few deep breaths before looking up at him again.

"What happened sweetheart?"

She shook her head slightly and he tipped her chin up so he could look at her.

"I just... I'm okay."

"Scully."

"I... I freaked myself out. I just needed to see you."

"Scully, what's going on?"

"I woke up with a nose bleed. I know that I'm okay, but my heart started to race and I felt faint and I just... I needed to see you."

Her voice was strangled and crackly, but she began to calm it a bit.

"Okay," he whispered, leading her over to the couch. "Wanna sit for a while? Get your equilibrium back?"

She nodded and he pulled her down close, forcing her to rest against him.

"I'm scared," she admitted finally, hiding her face from him.

"That it'll come back?"

"Or that the other shoe will drop."

He just sighed and shook his head.

"Everything is going to be fine."

"You don't know that. You can't promise that."

"Scully, look at me. Tonight, tomorrow, everything is going to be fine. That's all you need to worry about. And if that changes, I'll be right here. I will always be right here for whatever you need. To make you laugh, to help you cry or even just to hold you. I'll be right here."

"Why is it always me, Mulder? Always us?"

"You know why, Scully."

"Wouldn't it be easier if they just threw road blocks in our way? Isn't that easier than giving me cancer and making me barren and killing my sister?"

"You know why they do this," he said, his throat feeling thick.

"No I don't! Why this? Why all the pain? Why all the fear? Why not just throw us in prison indefinitely?"

"Scully, they do this to you because of me."

"Don't play that game Mulder."

"I'm not playing anything. I'm telling you the truth. They want me broken, and the only way to break me is to break you first."

"You're stronger than that, Mulder. Why would they even think that they could break you at all, much less by using me?"

"Have you forgotten the last five years? You're the only thing that keeps me going."

"What are you talking about?"

"If it weren't for you, they would have thrown me in the loony bin years ago. I would have given up. It's not easy ranting and raving about conspiracies all by your lonesome. It's easy to get depressed and feel like nothing you do will ever matter. But you changed that for me. Even on that first case, I knew that you could validate me. Even if we never agreed on the outcome, we could at least agree on some facts. That was what I needed. They gave me a gift when they sent you. They thought it would be a white elephant. But you proved them wrong. You backfired. You're everything to me, and losing you would end me. That's why they do this. Because I love you."

She fell against him, her tears spilling suddenly. Maybe she knew it all along, or maybe she'd been in denial. But she never expected to hear those words out loud.

He held her for a long time, rocking back and forth slowly, giving her comfort the only way he knew how. She seemed to meld into him, their breathing becoming as one while she calmed. He tipped her chin up and brushed her tears away before kissing her forehead.

"We can run away," he said, his lips still on her skin. "Just the two of us. Far away and we'll never look back."

She smiled just a little.

"We have to finish this, Mulder. If we run away, then they have gotten what they want. We still need to bring them to justice. We need to find your sister."

"I would leave all that for you."

"I would never make you do that. Ever. Someday when this is all over, we'll leave. Take nothing but each other and finally have a life. Deal?"

"Deal."

"But for right now, let's just stay right here," she said, sliding her arms around him. "Don't let go of me."

"I won't. I promise."

_I see you standing here  
But you're so far away  
Starving for your attention  
You don't even know my name  
You're going through so much  
But I know that I could be the one to hold you_

_Every single day I find it hard to say  
I could be yours alone  
You will see someday  
That all along the way  
I was yours to hold, I was yours to hold_

_I see you walking by  
Your hair always hiding your face  
I wonder why you've been hurting  
I wish I had some way to say  
You're going through so much  
Don't you know that I could be the one to hold you_

_Every single day I find it hard to say  
I could be yours alone  
You will see someday  
That all along the way  
I was yours to hold, I was yours to hold_

_I'm stretching but you're just out of reach  
You should know  
I'm ready when you're ready for me  
And I'm waiting for the right time  
For the day I catch your eye  
To let you know  
That I'm yours to hold_

_Every single day I find it hard to say  
I could be yours alone  
You will see someday  
That all along the way  
I was yours to hold, I was yours to hold_

_Every single day I find it hard to say  
I could be yours alone (you're so far away)  
You will see someday  
That all along the way  
I was yours to hold, I was yours to hold_

_I'm stretching but you're just out of reach  
I'm ready when you're ready for me_


	7. Rebirthing

A/N: And now the chapter you've all been waiting for... the big reveal... I am probably making it out to be a lot more angsty and dramatic than it is, but I don't care. This would make me run away too.

* * *

Mulder tried to push away the feelings of guilt as he stepped off the plane at Portland International Airport. He should never have invited Maggie out to lunch if all he really wanted was to once again swipe her address book and find out exactly where Scully was living. He kind of suspected that Maggie knew what he was up to, as she left the table three times to use the restroom or make a phone call. He'd always felt that Maggie was on his side through this whole thing, he just never knew when she'd actually pitched a tent in his camp. He was certain that if she knew the details, she would pack up her tent and camp stove and air mattress and head over to Scully's side of the lake.

He retrieved his small suitcase from the baggage carousel and headed outside to hail a cab. It was actually a sunny day, although slightly muggy, and as he stared out the window, watching green lawns and Douglas Firs fly by, he thought about how today could go.

He had gotten on the plane without a plan and by the time it landed he was still stumped. He knew that he would show up at her doorstep, but until he saw her reaction, he wasn't sure what he was going to do. It could honestly go one of two ways. She could either slam the door in his face, which would make him listen to the fates and head home. Or she could let him in and they would finally talk and maybe, just maybe they would start to heal.

He took a deep breath as the cab stopped in front of her building. Today would go down in history. It would either be the end of his life, or the beginning of his life in traction. He pictured himself in a full body cast, one leg elevated, while the bouquet of flowers next to his bed made his eyes water.

"Hey buddy, we're here."

"Thanks," he said, paying the cabbie and stepping out of the car. He walked up to the building and saw that he didn't even need to be buzzed in. That fact brought on a whole pile of emotions that he hadn't even predicted. Certainly she wasn't safe without at least a little security in her building. But maybe safety was further from her mind, now that she was further from him. But what if someone tracked her down? What if they came here and just let themselves in and she was unarmed? What if they took her away or-

He stopped that train of thought and let himself into the building. She was just fine. She was safe. She could take care of herself. She was probably even happy.

He stepped into the elevator, hitting the button for the 6th floor. He liked that she had chosen an apartment on the top level of the building. Even if there was no buzzer or doorman, at least there was that security.

The elevator dinged and he stepped into the hallway somewhat hesitantly, looking for her door. Luck placed it right in front of him. He walked towards it and knocked before he could rethink the whole thing.

He heard a dog barking inside. Maggie had mentioned something about a dog. What had she named it? Linus? Pigsty? It was the name of a Peanuts character, he just couldn't remember which.

The door swung open and there she stood. Her hair was a little longer than when she had left, but otherwise, she hadn't changed at all. The look on her face was a combination of surprise and pain, like she had just been punched in the stomach.

"Why are you here?" she spat out, noticing the suitcase in his hand. "What do you want?"

"I just want to talk, Scully. Please. Can I come in?"

She stood still for a moment, her hands on her hips and her eyes searching his.

"I have half a mind to slam this door in your face."

"I wouldn't blame you."

They regarded each other for a while before she finally stepped to the side and let him in.

He had never wanted to use the word 'overjoyed' more than he did right now.

"I assume you're not in town on a case."

"No, I'm not," he replied as her dog came trotting over to inspect him. Mulder reached down and let the dog sniff his hand, and the dog wagged his tail in approval.

"I think he likes me."

"He's a pretty good judge of character. He peed on Bill."

"I know a kindred spirit when I see one."

She smiled a little and uncrossed her arms.

"Why are you here, Mulder?" she asked again, staring him down.

"I wanted to see you."

"For what purpose?"

"No purpose, I just wanted to see you."

"Well, now you have, so you can turn around and go home."

"Scully."

"I need more than that. I need to know why you think it's okay for you to just show up here. No phone call, no e-mail, no carrier pigeon, no smoke signal-"

"Scully, stop. I knew if I gave you any warning you would go on an unexpected vacation and I would have absolutely no chance at this ever again."

"Well what do you want?"

"I want to talk. I want to try and fix this. Even if it changes nothing, I want to at least know that I tried."

"You tried? Mulder you could have tried five months ago. But you didn't say anything. You wouldn't talk to me or try to explain or anything. You just clammed up. What was I supposed to do?"

"You didn't have to run."

"Yes I did. I would wake up everyday and remember what happened, and my heart would break all over again. I couldn't take it anymore. And when I told you I was leaving, you never fought it. You never once tried to keep me there. You just let it happen. You let me think that I didn't matter to you, that losing me was no big deal. That killed me, Mulder. Every single day. Going away was the only way I could think of to lessen the pain."

"I didn't realize it was that bad."

"You never asked, Mulder! Why would you think that what happened didn't affect me? Did you think that you meant nothing to me?"

"Scully-"

"You told me that you loved me and that you wanted to be with me forever. You wanted to get married and have a house and a family. You were in love with me. And I believed you, Mulder. I wanted all of that too. Maybe I'm a moron, but when you kissed me that day, I thought we were on the same page. I thought that we had made some kind of commitment and we were together. I thought things would finally happen the way we wanted them to. And not two days later, I find you making out with Diana Fowley! What was I supposed to think? The only person I trust in the world, the person I love the most just lied to me. And then when I confronted you, you just let me rant. You didn't apologize, you didn't explain, you just stood there, like you're doing right now. You didn't care that my heart was broken, that my world was upside down. You just let it happen. You never fought for us. That's what hurt the most. The minute things got a little hard, you just shut down. It's like it wasn't worth it to you. Is it because I wanted to take it slow? Is it because you love her more and as soon as the chance came to be with her you took it? Why? Why wasn't I enough?"

He'd never seen her this hysterical before, and for the first time, he fully realized what his mistake had done. He hadn't just damaged their relationship, he'd actually killed it. He'd killed her.

"Dana," he said softly, walking towards her.

"Don't," she whimpered. He shook his head and gathered her in his arms, and she slumped against him, exhausted.

"Why, Mulder? Why did you do that to me? What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing. You didn't do anything wrong, sweetheart. It was all me."

"Why didn't you want me?"

"I did. I would have fought for you, but I thought you would be better off without me. By the time I realized that that didn't matter to you, that you wanted me anyway, you had already decided to leave. And you wouldn't change your mind. I couldn't force you, Scully."

She sniffled and he guided them slowly to the floor and pulled her into his lap.

"There had to be something. Something I could have done to fix it."

"You did everything you could. I was just so stubborn. And confused. I didn't know what to do, so I decided not to do anything. I'm so sorry, honey. I never meant to put you through that. I love you more than that. So much more."

"Do you? Really?"

"Yes, I do. I always have."

"What about her? Why did you... why were you even with her?"

"We got stuck on an elevator together. I don't know how it happened, Scully, but I would take it back if I could. That was the last time I saw her. I don't even know where she is and I don't care. I have no feelings for her. Well, besides disdain and hatred and bitterness and about 12 other things like that. I love you. Only you. I have never loved anyone this much and the fact that I hurt you kills me every day. I wish we could take it back and start over."

Her tears had slowed considerably and she leaned back from him and wiped her face.

"I want to hate you," she said finally. "I really, really want to hate you. I want to tell you to leave and never come back, but I still love you too much. That's not fair."

"No, it's not."

"I can't even trust you anymore. And I want to. Despite wanting to hate you, what I really want is to go back to the way it was. To be happy and together. But I know that can never happen now. I don't even know if we can be friends again. Deep down I think I knew it would end this way. With one or both of us hurt. I never really believed in happily ever after."

"Don't say that."

"It was too good to be true. Those two days, Mulder, not a lot changed, but I had never felt more loved in my life. And then it all came crashing down and I just... I gave up on the idea of being truly happy."

"No."

"I did. That's all that life ever gave me. Just a glimpse, and then it was taken away. Every time."

"Don't ever give up on that idea, Scully. It's not just an idea. It does really happen."

"I need you to go," she said finally, wiggling out of his arms. "I can't do this. I just need you to leave."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"I don't want to go."

"I need you to. I can't be with you right now, talking about being happy. It hurts too much."

"Okay. But I'm only going because you asked me to. Don't use this against me later."

"I won't."

"I want to see you again."

"Someday," she said, walking towards the kitchen. "Give me time."

"Scully," he said, reaching out for her hand and grasping it in his. "Don't forget me. Please."

"I won't."

"I'm booked on a flight tomorrow night at nine. You have my number if anything changes. Use it."

"We'll see."

He tugged gently on her hand and pulled her close, just for a second.

"I will always wait for you, Scully. Until you tell me to stop and even then..."

"I know that."

"I'll always be here. I love you."

She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath.

"I know, Mulder."

He dropped his hand slowly from hers and he turned and walked away. It broke his heart to leave her, and if he had his way, he wouldn't. But this time he knew that letting her go was the right thing to do. Now she knew where he stood, and if she wanted this then she could have it.

He got into the elevator and sighed as the doors closed. He had no idea when she would call him. It might be a few weeks. It might be a few years. She may never call him at all. He chose not to think about that particular path as the elevator doors opened and he stepped out. He'd have to call a cab now, which meant he would have to call information, which meant that he would probably be on the phone for a while. He sighed and pulled the phone out of his pocket, wondering briefly where he was going to end up for the night. Surely a rat trap motel. Fitting.

The phone buzzed in his hand, startling him. He almost dropped it, but managed to answer it instead.

"Mulder."

"Come back."

"What?"

"Don't leave. I don't want to lose you again. Please, just come back."

"I'll be right up."

He felt like running up the stairs, but knew it would take longer than the elevator. He stepped inside and willed the thing to go at warp speed. It didn't and the wait seemed to be longer than any elevator ride he had ever taken in his life. Finally the doors opened, and Scully was standing there waiting for him.

He hesitated, but only for a second before dropping his suitcase and wrapping his arms around her.

"I love you," she whispered. "I don't want to miss you anymore."

"Me neither, sweetheart."

"Let's start over."

He leaned back from her a little bit, wiping her tears away gently.

"Start over?"

"Just go back to how it was before things got complicated. Back to being best friends. And whatever happens, happens. We won't fight anything, and we won't force it either."

"That's what you really want?"

"Yes."

"Then that's what we'll do."

She smiled.

"Come inside. We'll order food and watch movies and talk all night. Sound good?"

"Perfect. Just one thing."

He pulled her close and pressed his lips to her forehead, knowing that simple action, especially in this moment, could direct them back to where they wanted to be.

_I lie here paralytic  
Inside this soul  
Screaming for you till my throat is numb  
I wanna break out I need a way out  
I don't believe that it's gotta be this way  
The worst is the waiting  
In this womb I'm suffocating_

_Feel your presence filling up my lungs with oxygen  
I take you in  
I've died_

_Rebirthing now  
I wanna live for love wanna live for you and me  
Breathe for the first time now  
I come alive somehow  
Rebirthing now  
I Wanna live my life wanna give you everything  
Breathe for the first time now  
I come alive somehow_

_I lie here lifeless  
In this cocoon  
Shedding my skin cause  
I'm ready to  
I wanna break out  
I found a way out  
I don't believe that it's gotta be this way  
The worst is the waiting  
In this womb I'm suffocating_

_Tell me when I'm gonna live again  
Tell me when I'm gonna breathe you in  
Tell me when I'm gonna feel inside  
Tell me when I'm gonna feel alive_

_Tell me when I'm gonna live again  
Tell me when this fear will end  
Tell me when I'm gonna feel inside  
Tell me when I'll feel alive_


	8. Whispers in the Dark Epilogue

A/N: Final chapter. Kind of feeling a little bitter right now. That may or may not come out in this writing. Probably won't. My right brain is like "Yes it will!" and my left brain is like "No it won't! Compartmentalize!" and my right brain is like "Shut up!" and my left brain is like "Oh huh!" Also, just a little favor... if I take the time to make my writing you know, readable, please make your reviews readable too. I don't know how many times I have given up trying to understand what the reviewer is trying to say simply because they use punctuation sparingly. As in not at all. Normally this comes from people who "speak" English as their first language. I am not the most grammatically correct person on earth, but I do request reviews that don't make my eyes bleed and my brains melt and run out my ears. Just sayin'. _This message has been endorsed by Piper Maru Duchovny, 'cause she cedes to the fact that Rachel pwns all._

Later: SHE'S HERE! Little stinker came at 3:36 a.m. Six pounds, three ounces, and 19.25 inches long. Emmalia May, my sweetie petitey.

I have got to stop writing such long A/N's.

* * *

* * *

Scully gripped the armrest as the plane took off, closing her eyes tightly. She had flown a lot less in the last year and a half than she had previously, and her slight fear of flying was back. She had forgotten how turbulence could make her stomach do flip-flops.

The plane finally leveled off and she sighed, letting her body relax. It was the last leg of the trip, a two hour flight from Someplace, Somewhere (she hadn't really been paying attention) to D.C. It would be the first time she had been back since leaving so long ago. Mulder had flown out three times to see her. He said that made him the winner, but she wasn't sure what game they were playing.

Things had been calm between them, although sometimes slightly strained. She was glad they had decided not to bring the romantic relationship back into the mix immediately. Their friendship had been more damaged than she had assumed. There was a lot to work through, a lot of trust to be rebuilt (on both sides, surprisingly) and just the general ins-and-outs of becoming a part of each other's lives again. To throw in another facet could have derailed them for good. She knew they were stronger for it.

She had decided to fly out to him this time as a statement. She felt they were ready for the next phase of the relationship, and she wanted to show him that she had full confidence in whatever came next. Whether he understood her action or not she wasn't sure, but she wasn't past spelling it out for him either.

The drink cart came by and she requested a coffee. Her flight had left at 6 am, and it had turned out that she had no time to sleep the previous night. Lack of planning was not her usual M.O., but she could certainly tough it out just this once. She rubbed her eyes and wondered how she and Mulder had ever managed to solve cases with only a few hours sleep in two days. She had come to appreciate the healing powers of sleep, and chastised herself for disregarding them before. She made a mental note to share this information with Mulder. He would probably roll his eyes and tell her something about the brain's ability to make connections that it normally wouldn't make with the recommended amount of sleep, but at least she could try.

Thinking about being tired was making her tired, so she quickly shook her head and sipped her coffee thoughtfully. She really hoped this weekend would be everything she had been anticipating. They hadn't planned much; dinner with her mom, a visit to the gunmen and a long walk on the Mall were really the only things she had wanted to do. Mulder had never been good at planning stuff like that, and she didn't want to stress him out, so they had left things open. Sometimes spontaneity gave birth to the best moments anyway. She was pretty sure that was going to be the case again.

* * *

* * *

Mulder was almost hopping from foot to foot with excitement. Had he been wearing more comfortable shoes, he probably would have been. The fact that she was coming to see him this time was not lost on him. He was not a moron. The second she had said "What if I fly out there next weekend?" he knew exactly what was going down. Scully thought she was subtle, but when it came down to it, she wasn't really. She was as readable as a Dick and Jane book.

Even though he was pretty sure what was coming, he was still nervous. Or maybe it was because he knew. Either way, he wanted this weekend to be perfect. He wanted her to remember it for the rest of her life. He had been tempted to make it the most romantic weekend that a woman had ever experienced, but that was so out of character for them. They had not fallen in love through gestures and jewelry, and to try and add all those things in now felt cheap to him. All they needed was to be together. Everything else was secondary.

He sighed and checked his watch again. Her flight had landed exactly four minutes ago, which seemed like a perfect amount of time to deplane and walk the long concourse to baggage claim. Of course he wasn't the best person to ask right now.

Twelve seconds had passed since he last looked at his watch. This was getting slightly silly. He decided to take a walk, just to pass the time. He walked down to the far end of baggage claim and back, killing just under two minutes. With a sigh he decided a trip to the coffee kiosk was in order. By the time the drinks were in his hands, her plane had been on the ground for over ten minutes. He walked over to a place where he was sure she would spot him right away. It wasn't long before she came around the corner, a huge smile breaking over her face. He set the coffees on a bench and hugged her fiercely. She giggled when her feet came off the ground.

"I missed you too, Mulder, but is that coffee I see?"

He laughed and set her down before kissing her forehead.

"Yes it is."

"You're amazing."

"I do what I can."

She smiled as he handed her the coffee.

"How many bags did you check?"

"Just one," she answered as he slipped his hand into hers. "I may have forgotten some of the things about working with you, but packing light was not one of them."

"I'm glad our time together made an impact."

"I tried to resist."

He chuckled as she pointed out her bag. He grabbed it off the carousel and they headed outside, their hands swinging between them.

"I thought we could go out to lunch and then for a walk."

"Sounds good. It's not going to rain today is it?"

"It better not."

"I'm kind of tired of the rain."

"You are? I thought you loved the rain."

"Sometimes, maybe. But there can be too much of a good thing."

"Am I a good thing?"

"I'll let you answer that for yourself."

He rolled his eyes and opened the car door for her.

"Where to, madam?

"Diner?"

"Cobb Salad?"

"And lemonade."

"You're so predictable."

"Makes your life easier, don't it?"

"Don't it?"

"Well sometimes I like to mix things up."

"You are just..."

"I know."

* * *

"Come on Scully."

"It's steep."

"That's why you wear those heels, so you can really dig in."

"These aren't exactly stilettos. Where are we going?"

"Up the hill. Your powers of deduction are dwindling."

"Sorry. I'll go back to sleuth school."

"I'll buy you a great graduation present."

"Another keychain?"

"Maybe a car this time."

"Ooh, upgrade."

"Only the best for you."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Thought so."

She giggled and followed him the rest of the way up the hill where he stopped and dropped the quilt he had been carrying.

"Mulder?"

"What?"

"Did you plan this?"

"Plan what?"

"Are we stargazing?"

"Only if you want to."

"Then what are we doing?"

He spread the blanket out and lay down.

"Gonna join me?"

"Join you in what?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing of consequence."

She sighed and lay down next to him, resting her head on her arm.

"Okay, tell me about them."

"What?"

"The constellations."

"What?"

"Mulder, you didn't drag me up here for no reason."

"How do you know?"

"I know you, Mulder. You have something planned."

"No I don't."

"Then what..."

"Nothing. I just thought it would be nice to relax. Remember that?"

"Vaguely."

"Remember this place?"

"Kind of."

He just smiled and played with her fingers.

"So Scully..."

"So Mulder..."

"Why did you decide to come out here?"

"Because."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Why?"

"Mulder."

"Come on, spill."

"There's nothing to spill. You'd just been spending a lot of time on planes. I thought I would return the favor."

"Scully, I'm not that dense."

"I just missed you. I'm tired of being away from you all the time. I want things to go back to normal."

"You mean like they were before all the... insanity happened?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think we're ready?"

"I hope so. We've come a long way, I think. We're more ready now than we were then."

"I think you're right. But do you trust me again?"

"It's been hard, but I'm getting there. I have to just jump in with both feet because I am miserable without you."

He brushed a stray lock of hair away from her face, then leaned down and kissed her gently.

"I've been a little melancholy myself."

She smiled.

"Let's not do this stupid breaking up stuff ever again."

"Yeah, it didn't work for us."

"I don't know what we're going to do about the distance or-"

"I'll move."

"Mulder."

"I'll move out there with you. There's nothing keeping me here. I'll move out there next week if you want."

"Really?"

"Yes, unless this is freaking you out, and then I'll wait."

She had tears in her eyes now, and for the first time in a long time, they were happy tears.

"It's not freaking me out. Surprising me a little, but not freaking me out."

"You still want this? All of it? All my crazy ramblings and American dreams?"

"Yes."

"You're sure?"

"I'm happy with you. And I want to be happy for the rest of my life."

He pulled her close and kissed her again.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Finally, the dream came true.

_Despite the lies that you're making  
Your love is mine for the taking  
My love is  
Just waiting  
To turn your tears to roses_

_I will be the one that's gonna hold you  
I will be the one that you run to  
My love is  
A burning, consuming fire_

_No  
You'll never be alone  
When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars  
Hear my whispers in the dark  
No  
You'll never be alone  
When darkness comes you know I'm never far  
Hear my whispers in the dark_

_You feel so lonely and ragged  
You lay here broken and naked  
My love is  
Just waiting  
To clothe you in crimson roses_

_I will be the one that's gonna find you  
I will be the one that's gonna guide you  
My love is  
A burning, consuming fire

* * *

_

Sappy ending I know. Shut up.


End file.
